Without going into too many personal details, let's just say I had a bit of a breakdown this week. It had been coming on for quite some time and I wasn't surprised, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Luckily, the man is amazing enough that he went in to work late the other day so I could drag my sappy ass into the clinic, head bowed in shame, and admit that I should have been seeing my therapist on a regular basis... and hadn't been.
The great thing about people who deal with mental health is they are INCREDIBLE at making you feel better. Like immediately. The tone of their voices, the words that they choose, the pictures on their office walls... they're trained well. That's gotta be part of why they are so expensive. And in this case, the lady I spoke with gave me a bit of inspiration for my page that I had been lacking. It came in the form of a homework assignment: keep a log of what you do WELL, and what you do NOT WELL (grammarfail on purpose; in therapy, we don't do things BADLY; there are simply things we could do better). Specifically I'm supposed to pay close attention to things I do FOR MYSELF-- you know, when I'm not cleaning up boy barf, prepping endless snacks for the girl, or trying to get the man's dress shirts out of the dryer before they need to be ironed.
It's actually sad how much I had to think about it. What do I do for myself? And this doesn't include stuff like brushing my teeth or getting my legs shaved, although it should, because these things are frequently pushed to the back burner while dealing with a toddler meltdown or an exploding poopy diaper. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I can't be the only one in this situation. It's part of being a mom. Priorities don't just change; they are REPLACED. And these days, society puts more and more stress on us parents (not just moms) to be perfect, and have perfect children, and perfect homes, and somehow do it all without having any time to make sure we take care of ourselves. Makes me wish I'd been born into a higher class a century or so ago when maids commonly did all that for us... at least a little bit (who am I kidding? I'd have been the maid. Poor kids). No wonder it's so hard to get a quick appointment with a therapist... they're REALLY busy!
So I have a new focus here. Yes, I'll still be trying to keep it light and full of giggles. Laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, after all. But I want to, as much as possible, hone in on things that are important for our health. That could be mental, emotional, physical, whatever. Things that involve us taking care of ourselves, even if it means letting the kids eat Easy Mac for dinner an extra night every week. I will still be giving my (unsolicited) opinion on products I've tried (does having your nails freshly painted make you feel just a LITTLE bit sexier?) or foods I've forced my family to eat and review with me (is there a meat-free burger out there that your kids will actually eat, and you will feel good about?). I'll try to add in things like date night ideas, new workouts I hear about, and movies you may want to take the time out to watch. Oh, and I'm taking suggestions too.
For me, the first step in taking time out for myself will be spending more time on this blog. I may talk about my kids a lot, but this has always been for me. That's why it doesn't get much attention. It seems like, whenever an opportunity presents itself for computer use, there's something "more important" that needs to be done: laundry, dishes, making sure I'm wearing fresh underwear, whatever. Right now there's a load of laundry waiting for me in the garage, and I know it will get done, as soon as I get this post published. I'm not used to it yet, but maybe I should be... doing things FOR ME should be as much a part of my daily life as goldfish crackers and Sesame Street. Hopefully it won't take too long for it to become routine.
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